So it seems we are at 2 weeks and counting

I have a little explaining to do. It has been a while. I know. 

It seems that this year has turned out to be the most eventful year of my life, and to be perfectly honest, I have been out living every minute out of it with not a spare minute to blog about it. 

I have so many beautiful pictures that document our journey over the summer and the most important thing to happen to us since we got married. . .

My pregnancy with our little one, who is due for an appearance in about 2 weeks here :)

The whole time I have been pregnant I have been holding my breath a little.  It is so surreal when you wait your whole life for something to happen, and when it finally does, your mind needs a little time ( or in my case alot ) to catch up to the whole idea. 

Experiencing this pregnancy has been one of the most beautiful things to ever happen to me and sometimes I still have moments where I can't really believe it is all real.  Even after he has danced in my tummy all afternoon long ;)

Seeing Brian and us evolve into parents has also been quite the experience.  I mean, he isn't even here yet, but yet there has been a significant change in both of us.  One that I can't quite explain, but one that has most definately happened. 

Even though I have been counting down I can hardly believe I have two weeks left. Expect lots of catch up posts to filter in as well as some exciting new ones when this baby boy decides to say hello.  If he is anything like his mama though, he will be fashionably late, quite!

Love to all of you. Thanks for hanging in there with us :)

God be with you til we meet again

You know. . . I don't think there is anything in life that can prepare you to lose someone you love.

I sure wasn't prepared, and don't think I will ever be used to this sort of loss, these random tears and moments of sadness and heartache.  

The morning he passed away I felt shock.  I don't think my brain actually allowed me to accept what was happening until it was all over, which I completely appreciate.  I don't think I could have done it otherwise.

It was a busy week mixed with many different emotions.  We hurried to prepare for his funeral and worked late into the night on displays, his obituary, calling relatives and preparing our talks for the funeral.  It has been the most spiritual period of my whole life and although we were trying to cope, I wouldn't trade the experiences of that time for anything. 

I stayed at my moms an entire week.  I was afraid of what would happen to me emotionally if I left the comfort of her home to go and try to tackle my own life.  I guess we all felt we would have a better chance of getting through it if we stayed together... so we did.

He was one of my best friends. I spent every Wednesday by his bedside eating, watching old western re-runs, and laughing about old memories. I always looked forward to his laugh and the light in his eyes when he saw you walk into a room.  I loved his hugs and his selflessness towards everyone he loved.  I loved watching him serve my grandmother.  I loved the way he looked at her, after all these years.  You would have thought he was 20 years old again, seeing her for the first time. I loved his patriotism for his country and the way he always thanked the soldiers.  I loved him for bringing nan and I breakfast when I would sleep over, and for picking out one of his shirts for me to sleep in.  I loved the integrity with which he lived his life.  I loved the beautiful pictures he took and the incredible way he saw the world.  I loved our friendship, which out of everything I miss the most I think. 

I feel so much for my dear mother who has lost her dad, and for my sweet grandma who has lost her soulmate.

I couldn't go through this without the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Knowing what he did so that pop and I could be family for eternity makes this experience take purpose for me, and allow me the peace and comfort that I will see him again.

I love you pops.

a simple thanksgiving

By the time everything with pops funeral had just finished suddenly Thanksgiving was already upon us.  None of us remembered and by the time we did there was no time to prepare anyways.

It was the Bunkers year but since they were celebrating the holiday in Carlsbad with family we decided to spend it with my family even though we graciously got offers to spend it with many other loved ones.  It just seemed fitting after what we had just gone through days before together.

Dad and I prepared a small turkey and made whatever else we could find for sides.  Mom slept and the kids napped by the fire in the family room, while Brian made us his special pie for dessert.

There was no fancy set table or large feast and I was upset it wasn't lovely enough.  I wanted this day to be special for my Mom, who had just gone through so much and it just wasn't going to happen.

As we sat down to our meal, not dressed in our sunday best, but with worn out expressions when court asked who wanted to go first naming blessings. 

We all looked at her while mom started to cry.  In the midst of these grueling couple of weeks, and trying time for our family, my sister still remembered our tradition to name all that she was thankful for and blessed with at Thanksgiving dinner. 

It was really a lesson for me as I was feeling sad and sorry for my family. As soon as I heard her say that I cried too realizing what I already know.  That there is always so much to be thankful for and so much we are  blessed with, even with the loss of someone so dear.  

As we went around the table hearing each others heartfelt feelings of gratitude I realized that this was the most special and spiritual Thanksgiving we had ever shared together.  In the midst of tragedy we had become even closer as a family and were now better and stronger because of it; a giant blessing in itself.

I am so thankful for a family that loves and supports each other and for parents that have strong good traditions that have stuck with us kids over the years.  I am happy to have learned that if you have your family, and your health you truly have it all.  I am thankful for my sweet sister who made thanksgiving even lovelier than I ever could have just by knowing and reminding us all what matters most.

{ Candy buttons }

 The other day I was just getting ready to get in the shower when I heard the doorbell ring.  I figured it was UPS or someone so I ignored it.  

Then the doorbell rang again, and again, and again, and again.  

By this point I was running to grab a robe and get the door.  When I opened it, it was a little girl in our neighborhood with her hands behind her back. 

I asked her if something was wrong and she just smiled and pulled out some button candy from behind her back and handed it to me.  

"I know you really really like these misses bunker so while I was at the dollar store I saw them and thought about you and got them for you with my own money."  

I about teared up right there on my porch in my robe!

I think noticing the details about someone is what makes all the difference.  I am so impressed she has learned such a valuable skill at such a young age and that she spent her allowance on candy for me! She is too adorable.

I can't wait to get her back :)

{ Abbie's special day }

This weekend we were able to be with my special cousin Abbie as she went through the temple.  It was such an incredible experience and it was so nice to be there all together as a family.  I imagine that is what it will be like someday :)

{ The best seat in the house }

Pop has been pretty sick these last couple of months. He has endured so much and his health is not what it once was. All these events have hurt his spirit a little and have caused him at times to be very sad and down.

This has broken all of our hearts to see him go through so many tough things and to be away from home for so long. I know all of us have been prayerful of his recovery and for his happiness to return.

So you can imagine our surprise when we heard he had a very special visitor last week. A visitor despite his busy schedule had time to sit with my dear grandfather and spend an hour talking to him about life, and trials and memories. He was kind enough to tell him he would pray for him and left him with a blessing.

Talking with Pop after his experience, I know that at his old age he probably couldn't remember everything that was said but remembered the feeling of love in the room.

I know it has had an incredible effect on him as I have watched his countenance change from one visit to the next. He is less concerned with his struggles and more concerned with remembering his memories and the happy times in life.

I wish I could thank this dear man, for being such an incredible example of love and service and for spending time with someone who really needed his influence. I appreciate what he has done so much, and wish I could be so much more like him.

Here is one of his quotes that is my favorite. . .

"The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility. " Thomas S. Monson

Thank you dear prophet. From the most sincerest place I know.

{ An afternoon with Nan }

Nan and I had an afternoon together while pop was at a doctors appointment and I decided to take her downtown and walk temple square. It was such a { lovely } day and we enjoyed ourselves so much.

I love seeing things through her eyes because she has different perspectives than me and it is neat to watch her reaction and hear her opinions. She loved meeting all the cute sister missionaries and smelling the beautiful flowers.

This place is very special to me and brings me peace during the difficult times in my life. It stands as a firm reminder that life's problems will pass but that there are { bigger and more important } things that will always remain.

I am thankful for Nan and for the opportunity to spend the day with her. I already want to do it again.

{ Like father like son }

Taken: January 26th, 2011
Time: Early evening
Location: Elisha's wedding at old church
Reaction: You have no idea the amounts of joy this picture brings my little soul :)

a { look } into the past

My dad works for our church and for a division called the Bishops Storehouse within the welfare department. Due to all the natural disasters and such that our world is going through they are opening up a huge new warehouse. Over the weekend they did a photo shoot depicting the pioneers and the welfare system. It was pretty cool to see these pictures and imagine them in their new place :)












I bet this is what the pioneers looked like crossing our frozen valley back in the day. My dad was in charge of loading up and bringing the wagons and supplies. I love that he works and does something that he loves. You are cute daddy. xoxo.

{ E + D } = The Davidsons

My cousin Elisha married her love Drew in January. It was such an incredible day filled with lots of emotions. I balled all through the ceremony as I thought of how much she has grown over the years. She is no longer the little girl I used to put makeup on, or dance with, or pull around the beach every summer at bear lake. She is a beautiful woman now and all grown up. I can hardly believe how time has flown. I sure love you lee lee, congrats on your special day. xoxo.