You know. . . I don't think there is anything in life that can prepare you to lose someone you love.
I sure wasn't prepared, and don't think I will ever be used to this sort of loss, these random tears and moments of sadness and heartache.
The morning he passed away I felt shock. I don't think my brain actually allowed me to accept what was happening until it was all over, which I completely appreciate. I don't think I could have done it otherwise.
It was a busy week mixed with many different emotions. We hurried to prepare for his funeral and worked late into the night on displays, his obituary, calling relatives and preparing our talks for the funeral. It has been the most spiritual period of my whole life and although we were trying to cope, I wouldn't trade the experiences of that time for anything.
I stayed at my moms an entire week. I was afraid of what would happen to me emotionally if I left the comfort of her home to go and try to tackle my own life. I guess we all felt we would have a better chance of getting through it if we stayed together... so we did.
He was one of my best friends. I spent every Wednesday by his bedside eating, watching old western re-runs, and laughing about old memories. I always looked forward to his laugh and the light in his eyes when he saw you walk into a room. I loved his hugs and his selflessness towards everyone he loved. I loved watching him serve my grandmother. I loved the way he looked at her, after all these years. You would have thought he was 20 years old again, seeing her for the first time. I loved his patriotism for his country and the way he always thanked the soldiers. I loved him for bringing nan and I breakfast when I would sleep over, and for picking out one of his shirts for me to sleep in. I loved the integrity with which he lived his life. I loved the beautiful pictures he took and the incredible way he saw the world. I loved our friendship, which out of everything I miss the most I think.
I feel so much for my dear mother who has lost her dad, and for my sweet grandma who has lost her soulmate.
I couldn't go through this without the gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowing what he did so that pop and I could be family for eternity makes this experience take purpose for me, and allow me the peace and comfort that I will see him again.
I love you pops.
No comments:
Post a Comment